|
I think I want to join Facebook, but I don't know how. What do I do?
There's not much to it really. You just sign up, give them all your personal details, allow them to access and log every single movement you make on the internet in general and there you are!
Sounds simple enough.
Yeah, it is. Then you can send messages to your friends and other people can see them and join in. You can even chat to them. They can see when you're online and start a chat conversation. Even people you've never spoken to before in your entire life, send you constant messages and keep asking you what you're up to (wuu2).
That's wicked!
It's ok, until you need to get up to make a cuppa or something to eat. Then, you get accused of ignoring them and chatting to other people at the same time. If you start a conversation with someone and then have to leave suddenly, you'll come back to your pc to find a long and lengthy string of messages asking you where you are and what you're doing. I guess some people just get attached very quickly.
Bit weird.
Nah, it's really cute and you can put a few 'x's after your comments if you really like the person and things like that.
Like on texts you mean?
Yeah...but...you have to be careful. If you give one person more 'x's than someone else, they get upset.
Really?
Yeah. They don't say anything, but you just know. You have to decide how many 'x's you give to everyone and stick to it. You can't give more to one than another. If it's a boyfriend or girlfriend, that's ok. Then, you really have to remember to give them far more than anyone else. If you give another guy or gal more 'x's, that's basically like having an affair.
No way!
I'm serious! Plus, you get people not even putting any 'x's at all after their comments. They think it makes them stand out as tough or something. ''Look at me, not kissing anyone, I'm so hard''. You get the idea. Just try not to overdo the 'x's. If someone only puts one 'x', you do the same. Try to avoid putting more. It makes the other person feel superior.
That's ridiculous...it's just a simple choice between hitting the 'x' key once or twice.
Not at all! I'm telling you...if you put, say, five 'x's and they don't match it with five of their own. You've been firmly put in your place, especially if they can see you giving other people less.
Ok, apart from all this stupid 'x' stuff, what else can I do?
Well, you can put all your pictures and home videos on there, so people can see what you've been up to. You can even make albums of each individual event in your life to make it easier for people to find exactly the part of your life they want to have a nosey into. People can even 'tag' you in their own pictures, so others can view them too. That means any pictures taken of you, from any angle at all, can easily be seen by people you don't even know...and all without you having to do a thing!
Cool!
Yeah.
So, how do I get friends?
Well, you need to search for them so you can add them to your friends list. You can find people you knew years back and get back in contact with anyone you want really. Other people can find you too! So, even if you hated their guts and couldn't wait to get rid of them out of your life all those years ago, they can find you through Facebook and add you as a friend. You do have to agree to be their friend though, so it's not like it's compulsory or anything.
That's good.
Hmmm, yeah it is...kind of. I mean, if you add someone you like and they have someone on their friends list you hate, your pictures and information can still be seen by them. It's not that bad, as long as nobody on your friends list posts anything on your wall and you don't post anything on theirs. Then, the people you don't like can't see anything you're doing, unless you get tagged in a photo.
So, even people I don't ever want to see or hear from again can see what I'm up to?
Yeah. Plus, you kind of feel obliged to add anyone who asks to be your friend. If you don't accept their friendship, they usually try to add you again and again. Then, they start sending private messages, asking why you haven't added them yet and other people they know keep asking you why you haven't added them. In the end you just add them to stop all the hassle.
That sounds pretty invasive.
No, it's okay really. Mind you...saying that, you do end up with a load of people on your friends list that you either hardly know, or you can't stand. Once they're on your list, you're stuck with them and, the more friends on your list, the more popular you're seen to be. It doesn't even matter if you've never met or even know any of them. Having thousands of friends on Facebook, that you couldn't possibly know personally, is far better than having two best friends, who you'd trust with your life, living right next door. The people you do actually know from your friends list may as well not be there because your Facebook page is constantly littered with silly comments and pictures from the hoardes of strangers you have chosen to keep in contact with for no reason whatsoever.
Why don't you just delete them from your list?
What??? No way! Once you have someone on your friends list, they're there for life. Even if you know them personally and have a massive falling out, you can't delete them. You can do anything else you like. You can slap them ten times hard in the face, pour rotting garbage over their entire family and even set light to their house! But...no way can you delete them from your friends list. If you do that, they will make your life hell.
This is a joke right?
No joke...and, if you want to slag them off, you can do it in your status update. They, in return, will do the same to you. It's only fair.
Status update?
Yeah, you put everything you're doing during the day, along with any thoughts and feelings you're experiencing at the time, as your 'status' and update it when you stop doing something and start doing something else. So, if someone's upset you, you can type it all in to your status.
But...they'll see it.
No...well...yes they will, but it doesn't matter, because you make sure you don't mention them by name. You just type in all the insults and spiteful stuff you want to say to them, or stuff you hate about them. Then, you type ''They know who they are''. It usually makes everyone start commenting and asking if it's them. Then, even if it IS them, you say, ''Oh no...it's not you''.
Why would you bother? It's crazy!
You get used to it. You really do. You can put other stuff in your status though. Every now and again, one of your friends will post a large status explaining a cause or something they feel strongly about. They'll urge you to repost it as your own status by making it quite clear that their true friends are the only ones who will bother. Of course, you have to copy and paste it. There's no option to say no to any request that any of your friends make.
That's too freaky.
You get used to it...honestly!
But what's the point in it all!? What's the point, if you can't enjoy any of it without all this shit?
Well, I use my Facebook every single day. I couldn't do without it now, but I'm happier now I've set all my account details to private. Nobody can search for me, or see anything I type, or comment on any of my status updates, or even see them. I've set the chat program to show me as 'offline' to everyone...so nobody can contact me using that either...and I've made all my photo albums private. Anything and everything I do on Facebook can only be seen by me.
Okay...so now it seems REALLY pointless.
Nah...don't let me put you off. You'll be fine.
Hmmm.
Oh, just one more thing...no matter how many people beg you to start playing Farmville, just so you can send them stuff and they can send you stuff back...resist. It starts off as a bit of a novelty, but soon ends up taking over your whole life. You'll also feel pressured into sending gifts to people if they send them to you. If you don't return a gift they'll think you're angry or upset with them for some reason. It's best to avoid all Facebook games for this reason. It really will grind you down...to the point you'll be setting alarms in the middle of the night so you get out of bed and log on to Facebook to harvest crops. There's nothing worse than waking up in the morning to a field full of withered raspberries.
|
Login
Register
FAQ
Search
