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PostPosted: Fri Jul 08, 2011 5:12 pm 
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As the sun set on war torn Grimney a young soldier named Dasyyes turned to Admiral Cuvilop.

''The Enemy is getting stronger...I don't know how long our baricades can last, the boys are getting scared. If they make it through I don't know how long we can hold them off'' Dasyyes was worried, it showed in his voice.

''I know, I know...You know Dasyyes, you're a good man, and nothing would hurt me more to see anything happen to you or the boys out there, putting their lives on the line.'' Cuvilop, also scared but not even attempting to hide it, looked at the floor.

Dasyyes walked over to where Cuvilop stood, ''We can do this you know, I've known many an Admiral in my time but none as fine as you, if anything were to happen to me I'd want you to know that'' A tear rolled down Dasyyes face.

Cuvilop looked up at Dasyyes, ''Thank you Dasyyes, but I hope it won't come to that. If I have to resort to using my knife, I'll do my personal best to stop that happening'' He extended an arm to Dasyyes, who shook it, took a step back and saluted.

Admiral Cuvilop saluted, a tear now running down from his own eye now. Dasyyes turned and left the room, looking back only to give a swift nod to his friend and ally.

Dasyyes stepped out of the office and into the barracks, he looked around and saw the soldiers, just going about their business, each one as scared as the other.

A planes engine roured overhead, Dasyyes looked up, he didn't recognize the number on the underneath of the plane, he froze in horror. ''Men'' he barked, getting the mens attention. ''Man the Guns'' he shouted as loud as he could.

He turned and ran back into the office, Admiral Cuvilop turned round to face him just as bullets ripped through the windows, he hit the ground.

''Sirius'', he shouted, he felt this was as good a time as any to call him by his first name. He ran to where he lay.

''Dasyyes'' he whispered, ''Fight, Fight for me'' tears streaming down his face, trying to supress the pain.

''I won't leave you, you're my friend and if I live then god dammit you will too!'' Dasyyes stood up and ran to the where the emergency pack was, he ran back to where Culivop lay, he was losing a lot of blood, Dasyyes ripped of his shirt to see where the bullets had hit, there was one in his shoulder and one in his hip.

''Thank you my friend'' Cuvilop whispered, then passed out with the pain.

Dasyyes ripped the lid off the emergency pack and took out some bandages and alcohol. He ripped off his jacket and pressed it onto the Admirals hip wound, he kept it pressed down with his knee while he poured some of the alcohol onto his shoulder and unwound a length of bandage, he ripped off a piece of his own shirt and mopped up the blood of the shoulder wound, he poured some more alcohol onto it and then wrapped into up in bandages.

''You're gonna make this'', he shouted even though he knew Culivop couldn't hear him, he had to motivate him self, even through his own tears.

He released the pressure on the Admirals hip wound, ripping another part of his on shirt off, he soaked the rag in alcohol then took his jacket off his hip, he wiped the wound to clear as much blood as possible and to try and clean it. He took at look the bullet wound, it'd shattered his hip. Dasyyes knew that he'd have to take out the bullet or risk infection. He took out a pair of tweezers from the emergency pack, looking back at the wound he began to cry again, thinking what if he couldn't save him. He knelt down besides Admiral Culivop, he mopped up the blood again, and spilled some more alcohol onto the wound. He looked for the bullet with his tweezers at hand, he was beginning to get nervous when he finally found it lodged beneath a piece of shattered bone. He removed the bone, freeing the lodged bullet, he took his tweezers and lifted the bullet out. He tossed the bullet aside. He cleaned the wound one last time and wrapped it in bandages.

Dasyyes checked that Culivop was still alive, thankfully he was.

''Come on, we have to move'' Dasyyes said to himself, he put one arm under his head and one under his legs and lifted his Admiral up to his chest. He made his way to the door. He could hear gunfire coming from outside but had to get to the medical hut. He opened the door and stepped out, it seemed as if the air raid had stopped, there was a few crashed planes on fire, the whole place smelled like gunpowder and blood.

He carried on walking across the barracks, he nodded at soldiers as they past and they nodded back, their moral, already low, on the brink of vanishing. He walked over the smoking gound, soldiers rushing, left and right to put out fires raging in gun turrets. All of a sudden a plane appeared in the distance, the engine going unheard and unnoticed amongst the noise of the fires and shouting. A wash of overwhelming anger swept through his body, he knelt down, resting Culivops legs on his knee. He drew his gun from his hip holster, pulled back the hammer and screamed as he fired his whole clip at the planes fusilage. Nothing was happening, he started to scream tears running down his face when all of a sudden the plane blew up, lighting the sky a bright orange. He looked down at the Admiral who was beginning to come around.

''Sir'', Dasyyes cried.

''What happened?'', Culivop asked.

''Everything, but you're going to be okay now'', He picked him back up and carried on the walk to the Medical hut.

Everything may have happened but everything will always be okay.

Thankyou for reading! :D


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PostPosted: Sat Jul 09, 2011 2:11 pm 
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Location: Herts, UK
Government Heath Warning: I never leant the critic's art. I don't really know what I'm talking about. Anything I say is just the way I feel about it, and I am only writing this because you asked.

I like the piece (the war and piece??). Too many tears though, I thought. It's not a macho thing, but in the midst of action, there just isn't the time to get all emotional. That happens before the battle ... and after. During, it takes all your effort to get through it. Nothing quite focusses your mind so much as the imminent prospect of death. I wonder if you could find other, more subtle ways, to show the closeness of the friendship while the bullets are flying?

I like your characters and would like to know more about them. I noticed it is set in Grimney. I am still a newcomer to Grimney, and don't really know how it works. Do the characters appear elsewhere?

Roll on with the next part of the story. :D

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"Never look down on a man unless you're helping him up." Jessie Jackson


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PostPosted: Sat Jul 09, 2011 2:27 pm 
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Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 6:13 pm
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Thank you for review :)

I wanted to get across that war is emotional and can push people to the extremes of emotion. And the friendships that can come out of being in such situtation together. You aren't the first person to comment about the tears :lol: but war is an emotional time and people cope with emotion in differant ways. Not everyone can be macho, even for soldiers, which is something else I wanted to get across.
My characters haven't been used before, but I would like to write why they are so close in a prequel.


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