If you live in Grimney
And you need to relax
You’ll find no finer place
Than Bumblecrack’s
Not exactly your average bar
And yes the barmaid’s are all insane
The clientele are peculiar too
But at least you’ll be entertained
Vanyon’s the boss - or so he thinks
But it’s Tanith and Smacca who run the joint
The food they serve is excellent too
But service is not their strongest point
Let me explain before you run
A banquet there you will be fed
Trouble is those barmy barmaids
Tend to pour it on your head!
They don’t mean you any harm
In fact, quite the reverse is true
It’s just that they get carried away
In their attempt to entertain you
Food fights, they think are just the norm
Those bar staff like a bit of fun
Normality’s not Grimney’s way
After all is said and done
If you visit Bumblecrack’s
Don’t be too shocked by what you find
It’s just those customers and the staff
Unfortunately have lost their minds
Take Tanith for instance
Between you and me and the wall
She thinks she’s a gold medal winner
Zoriat bless her soul!
Then there’s Smacca what can I say?
A stranger girl I’ve yet to meet
Just take her as you find her folks
Accept her mind’s a bit offbeat
I suppose by Grimney’s standards
She’s not that off the wall
But don’t try intelligent discourse
You’ll set yourself up for a fall
The crowd at Bumbles may be mad
But you’ll find a welcome there
And if perchance Dan Floyd comes in
Just be careful, please don’t stare
For Dan is totally paranoid
Every word uttered, poor Dan thinks
Is a character assassination
He watches suspiciously as he drinks
Then there’s Village Idiot
Oh, I don’t intend to put you off!
At first glance he seems quite ordinary
Some even mistake him for a toff
But beware! There’s reason for his name
He talks up his sleeve, I kid you not!
He thinks he’s an undercover spy
I wonder why he lost the plot.
The other barmaid, Meadow
Is in hospital at present
I feel sorry for that poor girl
She’s treated like a peasant
Some say that she is quite insane
They’ve sent a shrink to treat her
But I think she’s just misunderstood
You’ll love her when you meet her
So there you have it Grimnians
A glimpse of life at Bumblecrack’s
I’m sure that once you’ve been there
You will want to go right back
For fun is their philosophy
A warm welcome you will find
Go and visit Bumblecrack’s
And leave your cares behind!
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