The Land of Grimney - The Illustrated Adventures of Cora Pearl, aged 12

Mmmmmm, you can drop everything to go out in the mud searching for Vortigern though!!

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That is different. I needed him to get me the list.

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Yeah, right Anyway dear I think I will get off to bed now. Sweet dreams x

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Sleep tight Meadow. Don't do anything silly in your dreams!

*She yawns.*

I'd better lock up.

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I don't do silly things in my dreams! I do them when I'm awake Night night mind the bugwug doesn't bite

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Yes, well I thought there might be at least an hour in your life you behaved with some sense!

*Philomena pours herself a small brandy.*

Just one nightcap and then bed!

*She settles by the fire to read a mermaid bridal hair magazine.*

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*SMacca wakes up to find herself under the table staring at some rotten wood with gum stuck to it*

Oh dear I didn't manage to get a room again!

Ah look at that bridal hair mag, Philomena must have left it for me - how kind!

*SMacca reads the magazine and realises that there's not a lot she can do to her own hair other than plait it along side her moustache or braid it with her underarm hair*

You've sent for me again, my dear Princess? I am not complaining of the trade but you should really find yourself a wealthy lover to pay your bills rather than selling your possessions. It's just not right! These beautiful jewels should lie against your lovely skin, not some salt merchant's fat wife!

*He shakes his head and sighs.*

Well let's see this bracelet

*The jewel dealer looks carefully at the pink diamond necklace.*

Did you hear about the attack at Bumblecracks? Rumour is that Vanyon Trise is still unconscious and that sporty girl, Mistress Shand, she's recovering but she has been marked by the Chaos Engine! Bad business...

Yes I heard about that.... it sounds awful!

*Philomena sighs*

I would rather have my allowance reinstated rather than find a wealthy lover.

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Philomena, your pink diamond necklace is too gorgeous to sell!

What will you wear at Karina's celebrations then if you sell your jewellery?