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My dad. Yes, my dad again. I thought I'd tell you a few little stories about his cars. This one is, actually, fairly long, but there are other shorter ones...unless I get carried away, which I often do...sigh.
Back in the day, our family was riding around in Vauxhall Vivas and old Granadas. We even had a massive Victor at one point. My dad was a car mechanic, so he'd only buy cars he could work on easily. This meant we didn't ever have a nice looking car and, if he dented it somehow, he didn't care. He just left the dents there. As far as he was concerned, cars were for getting you from A to B and just loved driving past people who had broken down in their posh, expensive cars. Saying that, he would invariably stop and show off that he could get it going again. Off they would go and my dad would be standing there looking smug as ever. He'd say, ''See? Don't matter what they look like. If they don't work, there aint no bloody point in having 'em.''. He was right of course...he always was.
I don't remember my mum or dad ever selling their cars and getting new ones. This is because we lived on a busy main road and they parked their cars outside our house, right at the very point people turned out of a side road opposite. You're probably wondering what the connection is. The answer is...road accidents...lots of them...mostly involving our cars! Every single new (old banger) car we bought was as a result of having the last one smashed to buggery outside our house.
One night we heard a massive crash outside. I remember, my mum and I were sitting in the front room watching 'The Deep' at the time. We looked out of the window and saw my mum's white Viva shunted half-way up the road, a lovely big bright yellow Transam (that my dad hated and laughed at all the time) dented so much it looked more like a giant banana than a car and another car pushed out on to the road. The offending car had pulled out of the side road, gone into the back of a parked car, spun round and hit several cars in a row. It was mayhem out there. Then, I looked up the road a bit and saw a car that had been literally concertina'd into a tight chunk of metal. I looked at the number plate and it read URX 977G. ''Oh my god!'', I said. Yep, it was my dad's car!!! His red Viva was so scrunched. If anyone had been in it at the time, they would have died instantly. So the driver had, obviously, banged into the back of my dad's car first, squashing it into the other cars, before doing the rest of the damage.
I was in a proper panic! I put my shoes on quickly and ran up the road to the pub, where my dad was having a drink with his mates. I rushed in there all out of breath. ''Dad, dad, dad, your car's been smashed up really badly...it's totally flat!!''. Do you know...he stood there, calmly, with his pint in his hand (of which he had about a third left) and said, ''Well, me running down there like a looney wont change anything. It'll still be smashed up.''. He asked me if anyone was hurt and I said I didn't know. He just looked at his mates and shrugged, as if someone had just told him it was raining outside. There was no reaction whatsoever!
So, I had to go back down the road and tell my mum, and everyone else, that dad was going to finish his pint and pop along later to see how things are!! HOW THINGS ARE??? Haha...oh my word!
Well I don't know, dad. There's been a major accident outside our house involving both our cars. It's pretty bad ya know??
Oh...and...the guy we saw getting out of the driver's seat, who wasn't insured, suddenly became the passenger. But, the passenger, who was insured, and had been drinking, decided she had, in fact, been driving and was downing cups upon cups of our coffee, hoping the police wouldn't catch her out on their breathalyzer. When we told my dad this he said, ''Good. We want the pissed one to have been driving...she's insured. The prat who smashed our cars up isn't.''. I'm sure you can work out why. Yes, he wanted a pay-out so he could buy more clapped-out motors.
It turned out all the cars were write-offs, including both our Vivas. Dad got a new (old banger) Rover 2000 and mum got an Austin (old banger) All Aggro (and it was as well).
I hope this hasn't bored you. But then, it has been your decision to read it. :->
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One such gem was "Never say die", but in the literal sense, because it could somehow curse you? His father had told him that, so it had to be sacred somehow. 
