The Land of Grimney - The Illustrated Adventures of Cora Pearl, aged 12

You're a fierce quare wan make naw mistake. 'tis gran' so fer sum sleepin'. sum av us 'as been workin' roi 'ard so we 'av.

Sum av us dat but dat means not yer! you lazy 'ump i got a nice colour so oi 'av gran' an' green Ah've been workin' in me dreams waaat 'av yer been up ter?

Ah've been makin beds, washin' socks, makin' yisser bill skinner,(dinner) this stoney broke woman's work is never done an' where's dat as useless as a chocolate taypot shkelp, 'engist? oi suppose 'e'll show 'is ganky bake whaen oi put de bill skinner oyt

Chocolate taypot waaat a deadly idea - put de kettle on.

Ah've jist sat down an' nigh yer wake up an' want me ter put de kettle on? oi wish oi wus a paddy.....or am oi? oi'm not sure chucker yer want sugar in yer tay ter gie yer a bit av energy yer lazy, bone idle, gran' fer nathin'?

Yer are so much better at puttin' de kettle on than me yadrik! i scon best at sleepin' an' dreamin' av dat 'eaven yer were blatherin' aboyt! i tink we shud go for a romantic midnight stroll ? we can brin' de tay in de flasks an' gawk at de pond gimp again but naw settin' me alight dis time!

Oi'm not 'eadin' for a romantic walk witcha yer eejit. jeepers 'oy did oi cum ter be livin' witcha pair av idiots. oi wonder if thar's any other gnums livin' in other worlds. cum ter tink av it oi wonder if thar's any other worlds. we nu thar's a place called poetry forum. we went dare earlier , remember?

poetry forum? - deadly.. metinks I will write a poem about writing a poem about a poem next!

'engis yadrik
oi 'av a lethal idea on 'oy we can git oyt av bogall!
with me two new invenshuns!
solar powered torch an' de underwater 'airdryer!
i tink oi 'ill make me pot av gauld den! waaat chucker yer tink yer two eejits?

Under water 'airdryer! crikey vorly that's a lethal idea! wash an' dry yisser beard at de seem time aye? oi tink yer 'ill make a crock av gauld wi' dat so yer 'ill!