Bertie Ballstrong
Bertie was a dirty beast
Who dwelt within the mire
He bathed in mud, thick clay and crud
And he liked to play the lyre
‘Mud and dirt it never hurt
And I am never to be clean
I spend my time in filth and grime
And my skin you’ve never seen’
So sang Bertie the dirty beast
Alone but always happy
The only clothes he chose to wear
Were a top hat and a nappy
Most people they avoided him
And past him swiftly by
Some tried to give him bars of soap
‘But wash?!’
He’d rather die!
Bertie was a dirty beast
Who liked to sing all day
His voice was like a cat in pain
That would turn a man’s hair grey…
‘Why live in mud?’
I asked of him, the smell the stench, it was so grim,
He simply smiled and began to laugh
‘A mud bath is a pleasure’
And I like to play the lyre and live
My life of leisure’
So Bertie never left the mire
He was happy bathed in grime,
Perhaps one day I will choose to stay
If I ever have the time?!…