I am not much of a poet, but I thought it read well, is it based on your beliefs? If you would like a critique, Gavin is helpful. Anyway, welcome to Grimney and we look forward to reading more of your poems! Think you have great potential. Thanks!
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| Jesus on the Beach http://www.thelandofgrimney.co.uk/forum/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=93 |
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| Author: | Chayowl [ Wed Apr 20, 2011 11:53 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Jesus on the Beach |
one of my early poems to kick off with, i hope you feel free to comment, any critique very much accepted. I am just starting out so I know I have much to learn........ Jesus he said come walk by the sea, there's some things about you that's troubling me, your mind is awash its going too and fro, I look in your eyes you don't know where to go. I said oh my lord what trouble's I know, your hand i need, the path you must show Blinded by life and the pain that it brings, there are times I hide from all of these things he touched my hand, said son I understand, I once was a man, I walked upon this land, I felt the pain that all men feel, that before my father make them kneel. I told him of this world how it has changed, of a place gone mad, of a world deranged, no love at all for our fellow man, its grab and take and steal what I can I turned around and the vision had gone, but it had given me the strength to carry on, to know in my heart that what I feel is true, do unto others as you would them do to you... |
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| Author: | KaraJarina [ Thu Apr 21, 2011 3:10 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Jesus on the Beach |
I am not much of a poet, but I thought it read well, is it based on your beliefs? If you would like a critique, Gavin is helpful. Anyway, welcome to Grimney and we look forward to reading more of your poems! Think you have great potential. Thanks!
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| Author: | WaylandCybersmith [ Wed Apr 27, 2011 1:42 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Jesus on the Beach |
Good stuff. Keep going. |
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| Author: | Chayowl [ Thu Apr 28, 2011 4:36 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Jesus on the Beach |
Thank you both for your comments. it is not really based on any one belief really, I do have a spiritual side, but this came from a comment I made to a friend about a song I thought I knew called "Jesus on the beach", when we couldn't find it she suggested I had better do one myself, so it came out as this little poem 
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