The Land of Grimney - The Illustrated Adventures of Cora Pearl, aged 12

I know some of you have read the words/poems I posted as LegoStan, about my wife who died of cancer. These are some words and thoughts that I put to 'paper' whilst it was all going on.

Just wanted to share them with you.

Leo (The person behind the ogre who ate myself)

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Oh! How I long to care
For the mundane, and trivial fare
But the truth is sadly, simply this
None of that which I profess to miss
Means anything, nothing at all
Since our 'lodger' came to call.

5 months before we did rejoice
To hear that wondrous tiny voice
Our baby daughter, a precious gem.
I was so proud of both of them!
True happiness that can't be bought
A father! Me? "Poor kid," I thought...

But talk about your ups and downs
Ecstatic smiles turned into frowns.
Within in the space of half a year
Tests confirmed our deepest fear.
It was cancer. The dreaded "C",
At work in one most dear to me.

I've never been one to 'believe'
In powers I cannot perceive.
If there was any lingering doubt
IT came along and sucked it out.
I'm not naive, life ISN'T fair
Whatever 'force' exists out there,
Is neither merciful nor just.
It simply IS/does as it must.

We were so full of hope at first.
In treatment she was soon immersed,
Aggressive chemotherapy
To make the tumour cease to be.

3 months in, she wasn't well
The doctors all came by to tell
Us that they'd made a slight faux pas.
The treatment that she'd had thus far
Was WRONG. We had to start again.
It's lucky that they found out then
Because her peg* tube had been misapplied
She very, very nearly died.

And so the new team planned and started,
At that point we were not downhearted.
"Lymphoma's very curable!
The treatment quite endurable."

4 months is what it should have taken
But because they were mistaken
The course of action took much longer.
The chemo wasn't any stronger
It's just that she'd been through a lot.
Already had what she ought not.

First line treatment sadly failed.
A plan of action was detailed
To try some stronger medication
To kill the cancerous formation.

Sadly, it had no effect
What's worse they managed to detect
Some new growth in another place.
I held her hand and kissed her face,
As she sat bravely, barely crying.
I saw her eyes, the hope was dying,
Not GONE but much less than before.
They told us she was in for more...

This time a radiologist
Would to try to kill what chemo'd missed.
Her final session was today
If I believed in God, I'd pray
Instead I'll hope with ALL my heart
That IT will go...so we can start
Rebuilding, getting on with life,
And put behind us all this strife.
But once again, all we can do
Is wait, in limbo, without a clue.

If I could take away her pain
I'd do it now, with no refrain.
Am I scared? Yes, petrified,
When I've been on my own, I've cried.
But for her sake and for the baby
I smile and keep clinging to 'maybe'.
Maybe things will work out fine.
Maybe later down the line
We'll take a look back at this time,
Back down the hill we had to climb,
Take off and soar as eagles do.
Please! Oh please! Let that come true!

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This has made me cry and I don't cry easily.

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http://themermaidmuse.wordpress.com/

More...

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A harder test I've never faced.
The cancer's winning, I'm sad to say,
No medicine can cure it now.
She's getting weaker by the day.

Any hope I had has gone,
I try to smile to no avail.
There is no hero in this story,
No happy ending to this tale.

I always thought life was unfair
But now I know it is, for sure.
My only hope at this point is
That too much pain she won't endure.

It's taking her away from me,
A part of her's already gone.
A fading light is all that's left
Where once a supernova shone.

But wallowing is not for me,
I have a two-year-old to raise.
A piece of HER will carry on,
A ray of sunshine through this haze.

It breaks my heart that she won't see
Our gorgeous little daughter grow,
And that the little one will never
Have her mum around to show
The things she's done at school
Or shout at her 'coz she's not "cool".

On this, too much, I must not dwell.
Of course I wish things weren't this way
But I will not just crawl into
A hole and hide myself away.

If there was something I could do,
I know for sure that I would do it
But I'm powerless and hurting,
All I can do is muddle through it.

Heartfelt and superb.

_________________
http://davejameswriting.blogspot.co.uk/

Thank you so much for sharing, I read it through the tears. Save it to show to your precious daughter one day . Big hugs x

Hogstance it is the most terrible and awful struggle to face having a loved one with cancer. I feel for you with every ounce of my being. Thank you for sharing such an intimate part of you and your family's lives.

Love Helen

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All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players:
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts...

Thank you very, very much for the responses. I wasn't sure whether I should share them or not at first. It'd been a while since I'd read them myself.

Wow, Hogsy, I am sending the biggest hugs and huge amounts of admiration!

(x)

_________________
Nydas
http://www.walkerbroad.co.uk
http://www.thesanitycompany.co.uk/

Reminds you what is important and what isn't. Well done, Sir Hog.

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"Never look down on a man unless you're helping him up." Jessie Jackson

Many thanks for the recent comments. Most kind!