The Land of Grimney - The Illustrated Adventures of Cora Pearl, aged 12

Temperamental female. Regardless... Tomorrow we had better find Vortigern and extract the information from him. If other knights are in danger, I hope he will tell us what we need to know, otherwise we will have to loosen his tongue.

*He sighs and bolts the doors and secures the windows*.

Fight fire with fire. Do try to sleep Princess.

*He bows and exits*.

Nobody hurts Vortigen. Do you understand me? You knights... You're as bad as the militia! I wish you would all leave the mire alone.

*Philomena shakes her head and picks up Karina*

A bath won't do. I'll be at Hobsbane if I am needed... Not that I will be. I told Kalvos he needed to be patient with me, I cannot be a perfect human wife. I was just trying to help...

*Her eyes fill with tears.*

He has decided he no longer wishes to marry me...

*She unlocks the door and runs out the tavern.*

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Oh. That's not good at all.

*He hops down from a chair in the corner and adjusts his suit and puts his hat on*.

Philomena has gone! You knights are supposed to be looking after her. Useless lot. I was watching her last night, she was having a bad day!

*He lights a cigar and looks around*.

Can anyone hear me?!

Typical human cultural imperialism! Princess Philomena does her best but Kalvos does not appreciate it. He should go down to Hobsbane Waterfall and beg her forgiveness... But he won't because his human arrogance makes him think he is always right!

I don't understand humans. Never have. Can I have a beer Arabella? I'm a bit thirsty. Yes. Send someone to look for her. She could get into trouble out there. I'd go, but I'm just a cat.

*He yawns and drops ash on the floor*.

I'm tired. I need my rest.

Of course pusscat... just don't keep dropping ash everywhere, it drives Sweeney mad.

*Arabella smiles then frowns.*

The knights are useless, the Princess is better off without them. Gwenllian has gone to speak to her. Kalvos better hope Evarne doesn't get wind of it or Princess Philomena will be back in the Dudrassa before he knows it!

Ta. Me throats dry as a bone. Sweeney. I don't like him, he's an old maid.

*He watches the rug as it begins to smoulder*.

Ash trays. Not enough ashtrays. She can't go back to the Dudrassa, I can't swim, and it'll make my cigars soggy.

I thought you were Sweeney's cat not Princess Philomena's? Although cats choose their owners, so I've been told.

*She strokes his ears.*

Well we'd better try to get some sense through that thick knight skull, so our lady does not leave us!

That's nice that is.

*He purrs loudly and takes off his hat*

A bit to the left love. Nah. Sweeney's a stuffed shirt. I was his ma's cat, but she didn't want me. Glad to get away from her and that shaving brush and razor.

*He shudders and drops more ash on the rug and it begins to burn*.

Never understand this human love thing. Or mermaids much.

*He begins to fall asleep and the cigar falls from his mouth*.

*Arabella sighs sadly and picks up the cigar.*

Well hopefully the Princess will come back soon and give you all the attention you need.